“In you I confide, red dragon tattoo…”

[Because I was unable to sit through Beowulf without experiencing a series of minor pedantic flare-ups—”A reference to Vinland at the beginning of the sixth century!?”—I requested a review from a considerably less biased guest blogger: me when I was eleven years old.]

Since the dawn of time, mankind has told the story of Beowulf. In the movie, which is different from the book, Beowulf kills Grendel but doesn’t slay his mother, who had full chestal nudity, even though he could of taken all her gold and gotten alot of experience points. In this way, the movie is different from the book.

Later, Beowulf is the king and he has to kill the dragon. I couldn’t figure out what kind of dragon it was. Red dragons shoot fire, but it wasn’t red, it was closer to brown. It also polymorphed into a person, which was stupid. But the dragon when it was a dragon was pretty cool. They should of had Unferth heal Beowulf because he becomes a cleric and he could cast a Heal Light Wounds spell. Maybe he healed somebody else that day but the movie doesn’t show you if he did.

The monster’s mother had a charisma of 25. But Grendel was desgusting (sp?) so his is probably a 3.

No, I don’t like Angelina Jolie. I don’t. Shut up! Stop it!

3 thoughts on ““In you I confide, red dragon tattoo…”

  1. Funny, most reviews I have read pan Beowulf. I agree the animation overlay makes the characters faces a bit waxy and wooden. But overall, compare the old plot;
    Beowulf kills Grendel, Beowulf kills Grendel’s mother, Beowulf kills the dragon, and dies.
    Beowulf kills Grendel, Beowulf is seduced by Grendel’s mother, like she seduced the old king to produce Grendel, Beowulf fights and kills the dragon, his son, and dies.
    The second plot is really much better. I think the literate types are outraged that an old classic has been improved upon!


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