To have insomnia and a television is to gaze upon a vivid Chaucerian world of advertisements for products of dubious worth: joint spray for pets, miraculous clean-up cloths, electric roach repellents, and magic detoxifying foot pads. Rarely do these products benefit the sleepless medievalist—until now.
Behold: the Weird Scarlet Medieval Cowl Thingie.
Whether you’re prancing around wishing you were Dante Alighieri or just the minion of a cackling madman steering his spaceship toward the heart of a yawning black hole, the Weird Scarlet Medieval Cowl Thingie is the chinsy, pseudo-monastic garment you’ve been praying for. Its fibrous, fleecy folds let you live out your quasi-medieval dreams with panache. Why, if I’d had one, I might have updated this site more often in recent weeks—that is, as long as the air of wizardly authority it lends its wearer didn’t distract me from hurling fireballs at legions of screaming kolbolds. (Hey, you have your quasi-medieval vision, I have mine…)
3 thoughts on ““Come, sweet slumber, enshroud me in thy purple cloak…””
Wow, that’s kind of impressive. I agree, very pseudo-monastic. Maybe you could start a new order: the Weird Scarlet Friars? Has a nice ring to it. 🙂
It does look comfy.
BTW, have you ever seen commercials for a product called “Head On”?
Maybe in the wee hours of the morning they have expanded commercials for that product. If so, could you tell me what it is supposed to do?
The short commercials I’ve seen have a woman saying something like, “this product really works. I’d recommend it for anyone.”
Making me wonder. Well what does “Head On” do?
Clear up acne?
Stop you from banging your forehead against brick walls?
I dunno, but I have no idea which aisle in a store to look for this thing that “really works.”
BTW, have you tried that stuff with the Green Butterfly or the one with Abe Lincoln and the beaver? Maybe they’ll work for you.
Or maybe follow the Stephanie Miller regimen of drinking boxed wine at bedtime.
Mmm…Head on? Maybe it’s a pill you take to remind you to put your head on in the morning (hoping that you remember where you left it from the night before…)!